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I OWE YOU A NO!

Do you ever ask your child to take out the trash, and several hours later it is still sitting there? Or you ask them to wash the dishes and they have a list of reasons why you are unfair? Or you are having a private conversation, and they keep interrupting?

This is a simple and effective solution.

Then when they ask if they can borrow the car, go to a friend’s house, have desert—whenever you are feeling in a “collection mood”, pull out your sticky note & say, “Oh, looks like I owe you a “NO”. Sorry!! Wish you could do that, but I owe you and I always pay my debts. You can trust my word”.

Then tear up the note–They missed out on something, but you are debt free now.

Ignore their pouting & frustration. Be sympathetic. You really would have liked them to do that–too bad.

This will work well with kids who have already learned to respect and listen (for the most part) to their parents. And use it for the small frustrating stuff–Nothing major!!

If you have a very hostile child who is refusing to comply to anything, don’t bother trying this. They would use it to start a major battle. With this type of child you would need to have them follow your original request– no if’s, and’s, or but’s!!! If you ask the child to wash the dishes, then he must wash the dishes. Don’t postpone that battle.

I received a great idea from a friend. She turned this around to a positive experience–that always works best. She gives “I owe you a YES! note”. This is her experience:

I have tried out the “I owe you a no” over the weekend, however, I have added my own little spin to it. I have included an “I owe you a Yes” as well. This way, if I come home from school/work/rehearsal and my kids have cleaned something (anything at this point!!) or done something especially nice, and loving for each other, then I can owe them a yes!! Right now my 12 year old son is working so hard to earn so many yes’s, I can’t possibly think of any reason to tell him I won’t take him to see the new “Star Wars” that’s in the theaters!! Yuck, I hate Star Wars, but it’ll be worth taking him just to have seen him working so hard at being nice and getting jobs done right the first time!! Mari

I think this is fantastic. The only limits I can think of is that their requests still must fit into your boundaries–time, energy, money, basic rules, etc. In other words, they still must ask, and it still must be something you think is a reasonable request. You can say no. You are the parent.