KuddleKids.com

LYING ISN’T FUNNY

NEVER ASK “WHY”

Don’t ask anything.
If your child lies often, and he looks guilty, then assume he is guilty. This sounds harsh but the reality is– if he lies, people don’t and can’t believe him. He is better off learning that at home.

Tell him that it is because of his lying that you can’t believe him. You can’t trust him to tell the truth. Trust must be earned. Tell him that the minute you find out that you are wrong, that you have accused him incorrectly, and that you will apologize.

THEN GIVE HIM THE CONSEQUENCE.

DON’T GIVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

If he thinks he can fool you sometimes, he will try every time. If he thinks he can get away with a lie, the behavior will increase. This sounds harsh, too. But we are dealing with the very basic trust issue. Trust is the foundation of everything. The child needs to learn how great a loss it is when he loses your trust. And how great the benefits are when he has earned your trust.

WHY DOES HE LIE?

• To get away with things
• Fear of Punishment
• Control and Manipulation

WHAT MIGHT HE LEARN IF I DISCIPLINE HIM AND HE DIDN’T DO IT ?

If you are

• meeting the child’s needs
• your discipline methods are appropriate (not abusive)
• and if you can remain calm and in control,

then the child will learn that

• He won’t get away with anything
• He may get blamed for things he didn’t do because he is not trustworthy
• He has no need to fear your discipline–Time out is not painful, it is frustrating, but not painful.
• He is safe and secure in your love for him
• You are in control–not him. You are not easily manipulated.
• TRUST IS VITAL

You may make the wrong assumptions at times.
That is the child’s problem.
He is the one that must prove that he is trustworthy.

WHAT DISCIPLINES SHOULD I USE?

Logical consequences are best. If you think he stole cookies, he loses out on desert. The consequence that links the consequence to the behavior clearest, is the best.

The two disciplines that can be used in most any situation are “time out” or “loss of privileges”. It really depends on each situation.

And there is no shame in telling him that YOU are going to think for a long time about a “really good consequence”. Giving the child time to worry is very effective and it gives you time to cool off and come up with something that fits the crime. Just don’t forget that you are suppose to be thinking. My kids hope I’ll forget and then I have increased the behavior instead of decreasing it. Notes to myself on the frig help.