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TO EAT OR NOT TO EAT???
THAT IS THE BATTLE!

You have fixed a perfectly decent meal–And then–Well, you know– that’s when the battle begins.

Either they spread the food around the plate, whine forever, or do like my son did–He shoved it under the kitchen carpet.

Do I know about the food battle? Oh, yea, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!!!

After years of trying everything the books told me, this is what I came up with: 

• When you call the rest of the family to dinner, tell the problem eater–or eaters–
  “I have prepared a meal that I am sure you will not want to eat. I don’t want to cause you any undue stress, so I don’t want you to have to eat these awful foods. Instead, I have chosen not to invite you to the table. You may have a peanut butter sandwich at the table with the family, or you may choose to read quietly while we eat.
• When the child begins to argue, you say:
  “I am really concerned that you won’t like the food. If you would like to try eating the family dinner, I would be happy to let you try. Remember, since I am so concerned about you, the minute I think the food is upsetting you I will ask you to leave the table. If you complain or are not eating quickly, I will know the food is upsetting you. “
• If the child argues that he wants something different to eat, tell him “I am sorry that I prepared food that you don’t like. I hope future meals meet your standards. This is what the family is eating tonight.”
• If, or WHEN the child the child chooses not to eat, don’t get into a control battle!!! You cannot force somebody to eat. Hunger becomes the child’s problem!!!
• If the child continues whining, refusing to leave the table, or disturbing the meal in any way, then disciplines which fit those behaviors must be found–time out, cuddletime, loss of privileges, etc

IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER

• These disciplines–time out, cuddletime, etc. are being used for the continuing battle behavior–NOT FOR THE EATING PROBLEM.
• You have already established your “TO EAT OR NOT TO EAT” plan–and the logical consequences.
• Don’t mix the two disciplines up.
• Be sure that the child knows why he is in time out (or whatever discipline you chose)
  “You are in time out because you needed to leave the table quietly and appropriately.”

This concept is really important. The child (and the parent) must remember what the child is being disciplined for.

• You are choosing not to discipline him for not eating–you are allowing him to choose whether to eat appropriately or not. “If you choose not to eat, then leave the table.”–Simple concept–simple connection to the consequence!!
• “If you cannot leave the table appropriately than I will discipline you for that behavior–not leaving appropriately”
  This is an important concept– the connection the child makes between his behaviors and the consequences.
• REFUSING TO EAT =NOT EATING WHAT THE FAMILY EAT 
• Believe it or not, the kids will want what is served (most of the time) if there is a chance they can’t have it.
• It is when they think they can control you, that it is actually worth the battle to them.
• Eliminate the battle, and you have already won the war!
• WHINING, TANTRUMS, REFUSAL TO COOPERATE=TIME OUT, CUDDLETIME, LOSS OF PRIVILEGES, etc.
• The child needs to realize that this behavior is unacceptable–and connect it with–
• The consequence is not worth the battle
• The whining, tantrum, etc. behaviors will take longer to eliminate because they are probably connected to many other behavior problems.
• Consistency will be the key!! Connect the same behavior with the same or similar consequences.–When he whines at bedtime, use the same consequence used when he kept whining at dinner, or when he whined about getting dressed, or…. You get the idea. It really is an important concept.–CONNECT THE SAME BEHAVIOR WITH THE SAME CONSEQUENCE–no matter when he is using the behavior.

GOOD LUCK!!!