Excerpts from
WIN THE WHINING WAR
& OTHER SKIRMISHES
Pages 116-117
by Cynthia Whitham
SETTING LIMITS
(Just a note–this author uses the word “punishment” for tools I would describe as “disciplines”. For further clarification look at the page Punishment vs. Discipline)
If you attempt to punish without learning to praise you will find your children’s behavior getting worse.
Remember, children will go for punishment if they cannot figure out how to earn positive attention. If you do not teach them how to earn your praise through cooperation, they will continue to misbehave to get negative attention (punishment)…
After the punishment (time-out, consequence) is over and your child has stopped the intolerable behavior or begun to do a behavior you like, you need to give him a way back into the family.Holding grudges and keeping cold silences serve no purpose. A child must know the world doesn’t end when he has broken a rule or angered his parents. He must know how to begin again to earn your praise and encouragement and you must be ready to give it….
Many of our limit setting techniques, such as family meeting or giving commands, require praising to be effective. They will not work without it. You must be able and willing to praise before attempting to set limits….
Limit setting tools are most effective when used sparingly. They can be overused. By using praising, ignoring and invitations to cooperate to reduce the majority of undesirable behaviors, you keep your limit setting tools as a powerful back-up.
The LIMIT SETTING TOOLS ARE:
Kuddle Kids
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