Paula

	PAULA'S ROOM
	1995 Paula likes her page and she said I have to say nice things about her. I told her that she is the very best six year old our family has. She said, "Oh, brother." and walked away annoyed at me. I love this kid!!! When Paula was 4 almost 5, she sat on my lap one day, looked into my eyes, and said, "I am four and I have had four mommies. When I turn five I get my five mommy." I held her close and told her that I wanted to be her mommy forever. The other day, two years later, she said to me, "I just have two mommies now. I use to have four but I don't have to count all of them. Just you and my 'real' mommy." Maybe someday, I will be "real" too.
Paula is a bubbly little six year old. She has black hair, pale skin, and a face full of freckles. She is too cute!!! She thinks she knows everything and can do it all herself. She came to live with us when she was four. She spends the day making us laugh. We can't imagine life without her.
Record for the Longest Tantrum
Paula holds the record for the longest tantrums. When other children have a tantrum, we ask Paula to give them pointers. She hasn't thrown one in a long time, but her first year is very memorable to all of us who held on to her. We gave her a ten (Olympic scoring) for form and intensity. One day she threw a tantrum at the table, crying, then falling out of her chair onto the kitchen floor. Sean walked by and said, "I give you a five, you just didn't have your heart into it." Each of the older kids, as they prepared for school, stepped around her and gave her a low score. She suddenly quit crying, brushed herself off, put her hands on her hips and with a pout on her face, told us, " I fell carefully so I wouldn't get hurt." She then sat down and ate her breakfast. I told her that she had made a good choice, I didn't want her to get hurt. Then I gave her a hug. So much for discipline. Sometimes humor is the best discipline.

PAULA'S FIRST HOMEWORK

After two or three days of first grade, I realized that Paula was having difficulty writing her letters. Every afternoon the other children would sit down and do their homework. So I asked Paula to write one line of "F's, H's, & G's".

Paula responded in her usual manner when she is panicked--she threw a tantrum. She stomped her feet, ran to her bedroom sobbing, and threw herself on her bed.

I ignored her. She wasn't hurting anyone or anything. And basically, she was giving herself a time out.

When she eventually came upstairs, she was still fussing and fumming. I told her that she needed to take a one minute time out so that I could see that she was ready to do her work. The minute could not start until I could watch her to see if she was calm. So she would have to sit in the chair until I was not busy with anyone else. I was now busy listening to Little Cindy read.

She whimpered and sniffed in the chair, but she waited until I was through. Then I asked her if she was ready to take her time out appropriately. She said she was. I timed her for one minute. She accomplished it.

I then restated the homework assignment. I told her how sorry I was that she had gotten so frustrated, because now the other kids were finished with their work and were going out to play. I hoped she could do her work quickly and neatly so that she could have a few minutes of play time.

She started into the kitchen stomping her feet again. I called her back in and had her repeat the time out. I told her softly, "you still seem frustrated. I will be here to help youcalm down and get ready to think." I asked her if she needed one or two minutes this time. She said one would work. I timed one minute.

Then she hugged me and went right to work. It took about five minutes to do the assignment. She check her writing with me and I gave her some help. There wasn't any playtime left. But I let her help me with some things around the kitchen. This helps to reassure her that the whole incident is behind her.

Teaching Paula alternatives to dealing with frustrations has been a challenge. At least with her, I always know when she is frustrated. Paula's tantrums used to be quite violent. The tantrum could last several hours. I would never have let her go to her room, she would have destroyed it. It took months of holding her in my arms to gain her trust that I could handle her feelings. Now she is able to recognize her feelings, and appropriately react to them. She has come a long ways.

Paula Struggles with Goodbye's

Paula has lost so many people in her life, that the minute anyone walks out the door, she fears that she will never see them again. She came to live with us during a transition time in our family. My older children were making lives of their own away from home. I was worried about how Paula would handle the changes

Paula was very close to Kelly. Kelly went to college. Kelly moved home for a short time. Paula threw huge tantrums whenever Kelly was around. She was very angry that Kelly would leave her. And then Kelly got married, but she lives just blocks away and comes to visit often. This seems to satisfy Paula. She has seen that people in a family can leave, keep loving each other, and visit. Contact wasn't completely lost.

I was worried how she would react when Sean left for his mission in June. Each coming and going upset Paula. Kelly's wedding, Cindy's wedding, and Sean's mission were within a two month period of time.

When we came home from the airport, after saying goodbye to Sean, Paula went out to play. Paula had too many feelings of fear, saddness, frustration, and anger to play appropriately. It wasn't long before one of the other children came inside to inform me that Paula had told someone to "F... off". Well, there's something every mother wants to hear from a six year old.

I brought Paula into the house and gave her a CUDDLE TIME. Time out may have been affective to give her time to cool off. But I felt she needed hugs and assurrance more than anything else. Besides, I was feeling very sad too, and could sure use a hug myself. So we shared our saddness and our fears together.